After 8 months of enjoying the Livejournal experience, I migrated to Blogspot and Wordpress simultaneously for the next few months. Almost 4 months after giving up on Livejournal, I was lost in the blogosphere. I jumped from one blogging host to another, trying to satisfy myself and to settle in one blogging hub for good. Tough luck for me, I ended up deleting every single blog that I created on each of my Wordpress and Blogspot accounts. I tried Tumblr, too. So far, I am enjoying the Tumblr experience, and I figured that it is the best medium for me to express myself without being too verbose or loquacious. Resorting to photo-publishing and quoting is better during the times when I am too bored to compose a detailed entry.
Now that I am composing a brand new entry in Livejournal, I truly feel at home. Writing, rather typing, this entry at this very moment, I notice my fingers itching to touch the keyboard letters. Having said this, I can attest that Livejournal suits me the best.
Expect newer and better quality entries in Livejournal from me. It is true what they say, "home is where the heart is". And after a 4-month "soul searching", my heart led me back to LJ. To the new readers, you may leave a comment on any of my posts regardless if you have LJ accounts or not. to the returning readers, thank you. :)
- Location:House (Bedroom)
- Song:Katy Perry - Thinking of You
I have not posted an entry here for a month now, have I? In spite of the effort that I am currently making to update this site, this entry will be very brief.
I would just like to thank the readers of this site. There are only a few people who leaves a comment on my entries and they are the same people which I interact with almost regularly. Despite this, I reckon that some people read my entries but they do not leave a comment. I have nothing against you, people; I still want to thank you for the time you spared just to read my blog. I am sure that some of you might be sick of my rants and random musings. Hahaha! Oh, and the overuse of my cyber laugh, too.
I have achieved certain milestones in my life, too. Because I was too busy with Summer classes and also due to my current liking for Blogspot, I was not able to post them here. First, I will be an Organizational Communication student soon. I have passed the sets of exam and the interview even if I initially thought that I would not qualify for the degree program. Second, I saw my name on the list of _______________ . Whatever the list may be, I will leave it up to your imagination. I am not the type of person who brags about things, but I still want to express my joy for being part of that list.
I have a new puppy, too. His name is Ricky, named after the recent boxer whom Pacquiao defeated, Ricky Hatton. Other than my puppy's stout stature, he has no similarities with Hatton; my father just suggested his name out of the blue. The name "Ricky" has a nice ring on it, though.
There, that is just about the things that I would like to share. If my ardor for writing sparks by the succeeding week, given that I am not busy, I will post an entry here.
- Location:House (Angelo's Bedroom)
- Mood:
accomplished - Song:JUJU feat. Jay'ed - Ashita Ga Kuru Nara
I reckon that anybody could feel the scorching heat whether indoors or outdoors---I swear I could see the sun glaring down at me every time I look up at the sky. I'm certain that by April, this heat will grow even more intense. Although I do not favor steamy hot weather conditions, I am really looking forward to unwinding on beach resorts or any comfortable place not situated in Manila or Cavite. Surely, this year's Summer season will do me good unlike the previous year's, as mentioned in my previous entry.
Oh, I already have a new pet. Mimi, a kitten of half-Persian and half-mixed breed, was dropped off to my mother's office four days ago. She was given to us by my mother's co-worker, though the person who personally took Mimi to TUP was her co-worker's neighbor. Here are few photos of Mimi:
Isn't her fur pattern lovely? When I first laid sight on her, I really marveled at how the white and black colors were perfectly patched on her fur. She's of half-Persian breed, therefore she would be growing thicker fur than most cats. I'm actually anticipating for that to happen since I have never had a cat with thick fur.
It's actually been a year or so since I last had a cat as a pet. For approximately eleven months, I would often play with my pet dogs, disregarding the small bruises and scratches I usually get whenever they become aggressive. Speaking of my pet dogs, I remembered Russell, my two-year-old askal. He passed away a couple of months ago due to some sort of sickness that I am unaware of. I wasn't able to blog about his death, though. I think my mind's clouded with a lot of stuffs to talk about then. However, honestly speaking, I shed tears for him. He might not be the most affectionate dog around but I have grown attached to him during the two years that he lived. I have lost my photos of me with him when I deleted most of the old photos in our computer's hard disk so I could not post an image of him here now.
Now, on to the school papers.
Out of the three school papers I'm slated to accomplish, I have only completed one, which is the Portfolio Assessment for Psychology 101. Three weeks prior this day, I have already done some parts of the said project, the reason why I was able to easily accomplish it yesterday. I'm working on my concept paper in Political Science as of Friday. It's about defamation law, focusing more on the subject of libel. Unlike most of my blockmates, my concept paper did not stem from any of my Communication Skills papers. Sir Jal, our PolSci 11 professor, told the class that the concept paper that we will be passing to him on the third of April will potentially be used in the future, particularly when we, PolSci pursuers, reach our fourth year of college. Because of this, I made sure that this paper will be of good quality, knowing that the purpose of the paper is not only to fulfill a requirement for one of my incumbent subjects but also to serve as the basis for my thesis.
I'm doing fine with my Communication Skills 2 paper too. I just need to polish some of the requirements then I'm already prepared to confidently hand in my work.
There. So much for my formality, let me shift the mood to something very casual.

Ayun. Napansin niyo bang inedit ko ng bonggang-bongga ang parteng ito ng aking entry? HAHAHA. Hindi na kasi masyadong big deal sa akin yung bagay na huli kong sinulat dito. Kung nabasa niyo 'to, alam ko na iniisip mo na para na akong sasabog sa galit---"parang" lang naman. Hahaha. Pero ayun, para na lang hindi magkaroon ng dahilan para magkaroon ako ng ka-conflict, minabuti ko na lang na burahin yung mga huli kong sinabi. Ayun lang naman. Kung hindi mo naman nabasa kung tungkol saan, kaugnay ito sa huling entry ng ka-block kong si Cleve sa kanyang Wordpress account---"bakit ba ayaw nila sa UPM e nandun sila sa UPM? Bakit ba ayaw nila sa course na pinasukan nila e doon sila naka-enroll?" Agree ako sa kanya ng bonggang-bongga. Ayun, ayaw ko na mag-comment pa. [Edited as of March 27, 2009 8:10 PM]

Maiba ako. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na nahuhulog ka sa isang tao kahit ayaw mo na mangyari yun? Minsan, ang sarap batukan ng sarili ko e.
"Ano ba? Kaibigan mo yun, kaibigan!" ang gusto kong sabihin sa sarili ko. Alam ko kasi na imposible na may mamuong maganda sa pagitan naming dalawa kasi hindi naman ako magugustuhan nun. Atsaka, ang pinakamahalaga pa niyan, SAWA NA AKONG MAHULOG ANG LOOB SA KAHIT SINO.
Kung tutuusin, kahit sa susunod na limang taon na lang sana ako magkarelasyon uli e. NAKAKATAKOT NA KASI MAGKAROON NG BOYFRIEND---NAKAKASIRA NG PAG-AARAL, NG DISPOSISYON AT NG PAMILYA. May mga gustong manligaw, may mga nag-koconfess sa akin pero utang na loob... huwag muna. Hahaha. Itong pakiramdam na 'to ang dahilan kung bakit sumungit ako ng kaunti sa mga lalaking nagpaparating ng intensyong manligaw. At sa kasungitang iyon, nasaktan ko ang ilang mga tao. Hindi mo/niyo man mabasa ito, pasensya na a? Pero sa totoo lang, hindi ko din ikaw/kayo type e. Hahaha. Sa ngayon, iniisip ko, kung magkakarelasyon ako, yung tipong maipagmamalaki din ng mga magulang ko at mabubuhay ako. Nice, 'di ba? Hehe.
Teka, ano pa ba? Hmm. Mag-rereview pa pala ako. Sige, sa susunod na lang. Siguro matatagalan pa yung susunod na entry kasi abalang-abala pa ako ngayong linggong 'to e.
- Location:House (Bedroom)
- Mood:
discontent - Song:Britney Spears - Circus

"Identity VS Role Confusion" is a stage from Erick Erikson's Theory of Moral Development. I've taken interest in that particular lesson in our Psychology 101 class a few weeks ago. In fact, I've memorized all eight stages of the said theory. Because of my familiarity and liking for the subject matter, I have easily associated my current anxieties and confidence with one of the stages in the Moral Development Theory. And that is of course, Identity VS Role Confusion
- The adolescent is newly concerned with how they appear to others.
- Ego identity is the accrued confidence that the inner sameness and continuity prepared in the past are matched by the sameness and continuity of one's meaning for others, as evidenced in the promise of a career.
- The inability to settle on a school or occupational identity is disturbing.
Alan Clifton
To those who are not aware of the course I'm taking, I am a Political Science [PolSci] student. I know that a lot of people would quickly dismiss my course as a Pre-Law course, an undergraduate field of study which would prepare a student for Law School. Let's say, yes, I'm taking Political Science for the sake of familiarizing myself with the Philippine Constitution and the several laws established in the country. However, I'm currently having doubts about taking it. It's evident in one of my previous posts that I currently do not have any confidence with the whole concept of Political Science.
When I was younger, I admit that I did consider taking up PolSci in college. Conversely though, while I was in the latter part of my grade school years, and during my high school years as well, I wasn't getting myself involved with the world around me. I don't listen too much to the news, I only perform fairly well in my social science subjects and I only care a little about the government. I was good with words, however. I enjoy composing poems, writing essays and reaction papers and pin-pointing errors in technical reports. I readily became a Features Editor of Santa Isabel College's high school newsletter upon transferring to the said school. I even had a number of blogs back then. I think this Livejournal site is my tenth blog site. Or eleventh? I'm not sure but the number's almost precise. It's a good thing that this online journal site lasted for four months already. Some of my sites were left un-updated for months. I'm thankful that I have now learned how to keep a website updated for a long period of time.
However, during the time I was applying for college, it was the hype of Nursing. At the time, despite being particularly interested with English and History only, I decided to follow my father's suggestion of taking the said course. I was in second year (or first year? I don't really remember) high school when I decided to acquaint myself with "medical stuffs". I repressed my disgust for blood and wounds just to be ready for Nursing. I was very fixed with my decision to take Nursing in UST and disregarded other options like enrolling in the University of the Philippines. But an unexpected twist of fate ensued, which eventually lead me to take up PolSci in UP.
Now, the big questions in my head are Am I going to take up Law? Will I be able to pass the UP LAE? If not, where will I take up Law? Will my parents be proud of me if I took up Law in a different Law School besides UP? I'm so confused.To add to that, I have heard another account regarding the unitary path Law leads. If one takes up Law and eventually passes the bar, the only career that person will be focusing on is Law only, no other sidelines, whatsoever. I'm confused, scared and anxious. I don't know what's going to happen to me in the near future. I secretly feel depressed and irrationally frustrated.
Self
I have done something regrettable during the past. I wouldn't disclose what it was but I'm certain that the people closest to me and the other people who genuinely undertsands what I've gone through knows about what happened. I have taken a lot of things for granted and looking back at the things I've done, I certainly cannot consider my first sixteen years as a "normal" one. Nevertheless, I don't blame my family, religion and my upbringing for my "abnormal" life.
I've got a wonderful family. First and foremost, I have a set of parents who are very supportive. Unlike my other friends and classmates whose fathers are either womanizers or woman-beaters, my father is a very decent man. He's smart and you can talk about anything with him under the sun. He's open with a lot of ideas and he keeps himself updated with the news around the world. My mother, on the other hand, is truly responsible. She provides us with things which she thinks would improve our lifestyle and individuality and is keen in conserving money. I have only one sibling, a younger brother. He's not the typical younger brother who's more aggressive than the older, rather he's serious. He's an uber cheapskate and a very private person. Despite that, I could share secrets with him. Trust me, though he doesn't respond to the issues I share with him, he KNOWS how to keep a secret. He's the best secret-keeper I know (besides Rich). Or maybe he doesn't really care about controversial stuffs that's why he doesn't bother gossiping it at all. Anyway, I owe him a lot.
I was brought up in a peaceful environment with decent set of reinforces yet I still involved myself with something very regrettable. What really drove me to commit myself in something like that? How should I deal with it in the future?
My religion keeps me humble. Being a Catholic Christian is already satisfying to me already but I'm currently enticed with the teachings of the Jehovah's Witness sect. Mr. Rojo, our Bible Study adviser, is commendable for providing answers to the wonders my brother and I were previously curious about. From our home-based Bible Study, I learned that the problems in our life are not brought about by the Lord but by us alone. The only divine intervention that transpires within the crises we go through is when we already find the solutions to these dilemmas. It's weird being a Catholic on paper when a large portion of your religious beliefs lie on the other side of the same circle. I don't know if I should feel guilty about it, though. Should I convert to Jehovah's Witness when I grow older?
*Sigh* Silly questions. SOMEDAY, I will definitely find the answers. The Lord is with me, I know He is. If I do end up becoming a Lawyer, then good. But If I don't end up being one then I guess something almost related to it will be granted to me. Hahaha. I sound too positive. But isn't positivism a good thing? :)
- Location:House (Bedroom)
- Mood:
contemplative - Song:Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me
Originally, the question should be "Can one man change the world?" Since a lot of us in class have contributed our answers beforehand, Sir Jireh seemed to be overwhelmed with our cooperative responses that he added a follow-up question, which is the question featured in this journal entry. However, during our last Math 11 session a few weeks ago, Sir Jireh told the class that for our block section, he'd rather prefer if we would just answer the follow-up question. Realizing that I only have to answer one question, I slacked off. I believe that being laidback is okay just as long as I accomplish all of my tasks before the deadline, which leads me to what I am doing now.
Should the world change?
Though the question appears brief, its context is very vague. First and foremost, where does the word "change" attribute to? Physical change? Technological change? Change in pace? Apparently, one has to focus on one or two aspects of change before supplying an answer to the question. But let's disregard its vagueness and look at the word "change" as a representation of all the changes and transformations in and of the world.
Should the world change?
Definitely. True, staying in one phase may reduce any upcoming possibilities of crime or famine but in reality, when we stick to the concept that the world should not change, newfound information and discoveries would be wastily bottled up. What's the use of education if the world actually stops turning? To study history and the past? Pfft. Come on, why even study history when we cannot do anything about the future? Why would we even bother to learn new things if we only want to be aware of things that would never change?
On the lighter side, If the world does not change, no new sources of conflict or tragedy would rise among men. For example, if there weren't cars, cases of hit-and-run will be much less and even the usage of yhe oh-so-expensive petroleum will be constrained. However, if there weren't any cars, means of transportation would be difficult. Of course, we wouldn't want to burden ourselves. After all, we were given minds to come up with things that would not only benefit ourselves but also our fellow men, intended or not.
But you see, whichever response we supply for this answer, one thing is certain: whether we like it or not, the world would definitely change---our surroundings, the technology, our community, then down to the most basic unit, us. Like what they say, "the only thing constant in this world is change".
- Location:House (Terrace)
- Mood:
accomplished - Song:Kumi Koda - Sen No Kotoba (Orchestral Version)
First off, I have greatly disappointed my parents. It was only this year that I realized how much they loved and cared for me. Still intact with a sense of positivity, I just force myself to think that my bad decisions and delinquent actions made way for me to realize how much my parents loved me all these years. I guess my misconception about my mom being apathetic towards me drastically changed this year. And as for my dad's case, I learned that even a composed man like him breaks down too. I admit how selfish I had become during the early months of 2008 up until the middle of the year.
What caused me to become selfish, impulsive and stubborn was love. Or was it infatuation? Lust? I don't know. I am just a sixteen-year-old teenager who thinks she knows much but in truth, doesn't really know anything mature enough. Oh gosh. It suddenly dawned to me how young I am right now. And to think that I have done a very regrettable thing in my sixteenth year. I was so moved with my emotions that nothing else mattered but my feelings and my own desires. At first, I didn't want to mull over the mistakes that I've committed, thinking that I wanted to do them in the first place, anyway. However, as my personal issues subsided, feelings of regret and disappointment were running after me. Days, weeks and months passed by, with me expecting that everything would be okay but no, I had to pay a price.
The truth is, during the times where my personal issues were at their peak, I have already lost important things: my chance to become the class salutatorian, my parents' trust and my rationality. I used to act so cool about losing all these stuffs, saying that there are still a lot of time to make up for these losses. However, my behavior got worse. Love, as I may consider it, greatly failed me. I thought holding on to it would make me feel satisfied, better, to say the least. Apparently, the addictive sensation I previously felt was just temporary. I was very certain that it would come to an end anyway, judging from the fact that I don't deserve to be involved in such thing in the first place. But hormones are hormones, they're hard to disregard. Mind over matter? Nah, I reckon that only a few people may be able to materialize this fact when they're in love. To put it simply, even if I initially knew that things would not last long, I was stubborn enough to still hold on to it. At that time, there were already a lot of signs telling me to put an end to my selfish desires and straighten myself out, to gain back my rational self. But as I said, hormones are hormones. And most importantly, romantic feelings are romantic feelings---they make you high.
But as the time goes by, I have lost more than I thought I would. Still, with my faith to the Lord and my optimism, I am thankful that I was able to grant one of my mother's unspoken wishes---for me to be part of the University of the Philippines circle. I was officially inaugurated as a centennial UP freshman on the tenth of June 2008. I guess that was the best thing that has ever happened to me this year. I did not expect that I would be studying in the most prominent university in the Philippines, the institution which has long been claimed to comprise a large population of the country's brightest students. Holding on to this piece of pride, I stayed positive.
And then, the time came where my personal issues died down. I was half-reluctant and half-certain when I decided to end things---I wanted to play safe. I kept on believing that even if these matters have reached its conclusion, I could still rekindle them anytime I want. But, as fate would have it, luck was not by my side. I guess that was the Lord's way of telling me that my selfishness should not go on anymore and that I should now think of the people and things who/which matter to me the most. Times of confusion and indecisiveness ended for real, giving me more time to reflect about my past actions.
The reflection and recovery phase took place during the later part of this year, specifically the last four months of 2008. Lately, I have come to realize how truly lucky I am. I have wonderful parents, I have understanding and responsible friends, I study in a reputable institution---and yet, I messed up. As 2009 draws near, I wish to start anew and become a better and more mature young lady. I am not getting any younger and I definitely could not repair my previous misdeeds. All that's left for me to do is to improve myself.
Wow. And to think, I'm only sixteen. I hope that when I look back during the mid-year period in life, I would be able to read this post and reflect about my younger years. :)
- Location:House (Bedroom)
- Mood:
nostalgic - Song:Kou Shibasaki - Prism (Instrumental)
My Mother
Medienne Isabelle M. Castillon
For such a long time, she has been enduring
Her conscientious character, I secretly find alluring
Bits of her own happiness, she often forfeited
In all her roles, in all her tasks, she is always committed
During her tender years, she had so much to bear
Raised in a less fortunate world, she had old clothes to wear
She sold bread, she washed clothes---she strived so hard
And she did all these, expecting for no reward
Her parents and siblings were all she ever thought about
She devoted all her life and love to them, no doubt
She endeavored to flourish their lives, and so she did
A better life has always been her dream since she was a kid
A wife she became, and later a mother
To her, serving them all their needs was never a bother
To her husband, she is very devoted and cooperative
To her two children, she is very encouraging and supportive
Unknown to her, I admired all these deeds she made
All these years, her earnestness never seemed to fade
She remained responsible and hardworking all her life
With her willpower, she surpassed all obstacles and strife!
I differ greatly from her; she differs greatly from me
Never was I responsible at home, and I guess I never will be
She’s thoughtful with gifts while I don’t give out any
She has conservative values while mine are quite uncanny
But set aside the differences and you’ll eventually see,
That in a lot of ways, she has always been a part of me
Though I, Medienne Isabelle, might not be as strong as her,
Vienna Mercado-Castillon will always be my mother
- Location:House (Bedroom)
- Mood:
sleepy - Song:the sound of The Beat airing on TV


